I have been back in DC now for a week. Back from Nairobi last Monday night. I was exhausted this past week-- not just tired but trying to fit everything in my head. There are times when there are so many details, so many events and faces and voices that it seems impossible that it is all supposed to fit inside my mind. And then looking around here, where everyone has been going to the office for the last two weeks just as they would any other two weeks...how can I begin to tell a story of a far away sunny land...
But of course once I find my voice, there are listeners-- so then I wonder if it is me: if I am the one who just cannot translate the thoughts and events into words. The main problem is where to start, what to prioritise, how to sort through the huge pile of emotions and memories.
By the time the trip came to a climax, I felt so exhausted that I was in a daze. I think I was overwhelmed. I am not sure I can explain why because I have been in a couple stressful situations, travelled for longer, slept less, etc, and did not feel overwhelmed like this. It was not that the trip was particularly extreme. I think I just was overcome by a sense of heightened awareness. When you feel you are actually experiencing something in a very real way, when all the shortcuts that people traditionally rely on fall away. When you are no longer the observer in the situation but right there in the midst of the event, feeling emotions along with everyone else...even now I can't explain what I mean!
Maybe I have lost the gift of telling my story...I feel rather lost trying to make the sentences flow anyway. I will try again tomorrow. Maybe the words will weave together to tell the tale demain...j'espere...on ne sait jamais pourquoi certains mots tombent de la bouche au lieu des autres.
So now with this web of words spread all about, with others hiding in the corners of my room, I shall sleep. Maybe my dreams will explain it better to me.
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